EMBARRASSING POCKETS

I'm not easily embarrassed by whats in my pockets. What I usually find in my pockets is what I expect to be there. Lint, loose change, tissues, random receipts and maybe some crumpled up euro notes. I'm not a devout wallet user so putting cash into my wallet straight away isn't a normal way of life.

That's not what I'm writing about today though, finding any amount of cash in my pockets is never embarrassing. On the contrary I wish I would discover more cash in my old jacket pockets.

There I was the other day checking the pockets of a jacket I was leaving to a charity shop. My mother was in the kitchen when I was doing it. The first couple of pockets revealed scrumpled up tissues. Then the last one produced two condoms, still in their wrappers.

They were out of date too, do condoms really go out of date. it's not like eggs, although an out of date condom may give you more then a "dickie" tummy. Apart from the obvious risks what's really going to happen if you use a condom that's lets say three months out of date!!! They're like party balloons and I've never seen a packet of balloons with a use by sticker on them, have you?

Ok so maybe I'm taking the mick here, the only two possible substances you put in a balloon are air and water... What you fill a condom with primarily, has life changing repercussions if it fails.

Anyway back to the discovery, there I am in the kitchen with these two condoms and they've fallen straight on to the table where my mother was sitting having a cup of tea.... God talk about a pregnant pause(excuse the pun). So what did I do? I nervously laughed, saying "good lord, look at those" then scooped them up as quickly as I could and put them in the bin.

My middle aged mother, a Stoic Corkonian just glanced at them and went back to the mag she was reading...

Two things to come out of this, firstly don't ever empty your pockets infront of your mother. Unless your certain of whats in there. secondly atleast she knows whatever I'm doing and with whoever in the wee small hours, atleast I'm playing safe. That's hoping the contraceptives are in date that is, it's not something you usually check when ripping each others clothes off or fumbling about in the darkness under the covers in the heat of the moment.